barbiesdisciple.me

Tag: creation

  • Unpolished ranting because I’m done being polished (for now)

    This summer has purified so much out of me. Old shits, tons and loads of demonic conditioning we are subjected to as a result of merely existing in this world. Mentally and emotionally I have exitted this realm, but physically? Nah, I’m too tethered to it. Earth, they could never make me resent you, for my soul have chosen you specifically to experience this life.

    Never would’ve known my capacity for joy could be this vast. Joyful me never left, she was merely buried in layers of anxious and hateful projections and conditioning. But she had risen to the surface yet again and now we have reunited for good. Yay

    I never have been so well rested, well fed in such a long time that it felt like I’m experiencing this sensation for the first time ever. On top of that, it’s me who gave it to myself, hence I’m endlessly proud. Resting deserves to be up there among the 10 most courageous act a human being can do. So give it to yourself, for the world really have its way of figuring out the rest for you.

    And no, no matter how spiritually awaken I am and how wide my heart chakra can open, I’m not giving up on lookmaxxing (shout out to Oscar Patel) and collecting luxury junkies. People can say what they want to say about me, but my highest self is literally a hot women who is well-versed in the world of luxuries and have a wonderful collection of beautiful things to share to others (occasionally). Others’ idea of nourishing food can be leaves and veggies, mine is beauty and flesh. Kisses on everyone’s forehead, no hate whatsoever.

    I choose to be hot and wonderful on all planes of existence.

    Getting out of my head is a non-negotiable now. This means staying in touch with my bodily senses and my own creative power – even on days when my energy level’s low. I have walked way to far down this creator/artist/designer path. Can’t go back, gomenasai

    (artwork by Nansei Sakagami)

    Be aware of what you are consuming, walk your path and choose you own outcomes, and lastly, stay in love, not fear. mwah.

    (I need to go peee)

  • I quitted Chat GPT today

    My first post without AI’s assistant. Quite an achivement aye?

    I’m gonna started off by saying I’m no good at expressing myself through words. I stumble and stutter all the time, even in my mother tongue. I don’t have that natural command over words that I do with visual language. I hate reading because it hurts my eye, hence my vocabulary isn’t that rich, hence the choppy sentences, hence the inadequate writing. I always thought I’m so improper and for that reason I’m ashamed. So I entrusted Chat GPT with refining my imperfect writing. I felt bad for sure, but I push it away, because I thought readers deserve something better than some passages written by an literary innept person. But then the pain of not improving gnaws at me even harder.

    And I hate that writing requires so much effort, especially for me – someone who gets everything in her life for easy. It is not until I decided to seriously take up painting and fashion design – two things I’m extremely enamoured by that I realised: of course these things take effort, and thank god they take effort. Beauty means taking a conscious step towards being more than your preposition, and transcend it. Oftentimes it’s painful. But it is so worth it. Because we as human are destined to do hard things. To be more than what our circumstance gave us.

    Our history had countless examples.

    But none of that pain and frustration is worse than hiding behind a tool and avoid looking at your flaw like a damn pussy. This desire to appear more polished only makes me look all the more stupid. Perfectionism is stupid! Putting off learning is embarassing af, it only makes me feel spineless agaisnt a world that profits off the decay of my agency.

    I always had strong will and had always been conscientious. I’m that sewist who would seam-rip my sewing project immediately when the stitch is remotely crooked. And I must admit that I gave up and lowered my standards countless times just because I’m told to tone it down, your effort is not required. While It is good to maintain a balance between being intentional and meticulous and letting youself rest for once, but one point to be made abundantly clear: never succumb to the ease that is created to rot us. You may and absolutely must let your mind rest in serenity, but never compromise your standards even just a little.

    I won’t ask fucking Chat GPT how to write for myself and other human because that’s my job.

    (Also because this bitch is cozying up to Trump and I hate Trump)

    So yeah, expect amateurishly worded yet much rawer posts from me from this point onward ^^