My first post without AI’s assistant. Quite an achivement aye?
I’m gonna started off by saying I’m no good at expressing myself through words. I stumble and stutter all the time, even in my mother tongue. I don’t have that natural command over words that I do with visual language. I hate reading because it hurts my eye, hence my vocabulary isn’t that rich, hence the choppy sentences, hence the inadequate writing. I always thought I’m so improper and for that reason I’m ashamed. So I entrusted Chat GPT with refining my imperfect writing. I felt bad for sure, but I push it away, because I thought readers deserve something better than some passages written by an literary innept person. But then the pain of not improving gnaws at me even harder.
And I hate that writing requires so much effort, especially for me – someone who gets everything in her life for easy. It is not until I decided to seriously take up painting and fashion design – two things I’m extremely enamoured by that I realised: of course these things take effort, and thank god they take effort. Beauty means taking a conscious step towards being more than your preposition, and transcend it. Oftentimes it’s painful. But it is so worth it. Because we as human are destined to do hard things. To be more than what our circumstance gave us.
Our history had countless examples.
But none of that pain and frustration is worse than hiding behind a tool and avoid looking at your flaw like a damn pussy. This desire to appear more polished only makes me look all the more stupid. Perfectionism is stupid! Putting off learning is embarassing af, it only makes me feel spineless agaisnt a world that profits off the decay of my agency.
I always had strong will and had always been conscientious. I’m that sewist who would seam-rip my sewing project immediately when the stitch is remotely crooked. And I must admit that I gave up and lowered my standards countless times just because I’m told to tone it down, your effort is not required. While It is good to maintain a balance between being intentional and meticulous and letting youself rest for once, but one point to be made abundantly clear: never succumb to the ease that is created to rot us. You may and absolutely must let your mind rest in serenity, but never compromise your standards even just a little.
I won’t ask fucking Chat GPT how to write for myself and other human because that’s my job.
(Also because this bitch is cozying up to Trump and I hate Trump)
So yeah, expect amateurishly worded yet much rawer posts from me from this point onward ^^